Flashes of Panic

(With a hat tip to chucknorrisfacts.com and Bruce Schneier facts)

• When Usain Bolt starts from the blocks, he doesn’t push himself forward. He pushes the Earth backward.

• Usain Bolt never false starts. Sometimes the starter is so amazed by Bolt’s start, he forgets to pull the trigger in time.

• Usain Bolt has two paces: World Record and Celebrate.

• Pluto is actually a collection of spikes which were insufficiently tightly laced and kicked into space by Usain Bolt.

• Usain Bolt doesn’t use performance enhancing drugs because steroids would slow him down.

• Usain Bolt isn’t too tall to be a sprinter. His presence makes other sprinters shorter.

• When Usain Bolt falls in the steeplechase pit, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Usain Bolt.

• Usain Bolt’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

• When Usain Bolt was denied chicken nuggets at a McDonalds, he ran through the restaurant so quickly it became a Wendy’s.

• If Usain Bolt could be contained by a treadmill, his 200m would produce enough energy to power the entire nation of Jamaica for 22 years.

• The Chinese built the Great Wall to keep out Usain Bolt. Obviously, it did not work.

• George Bush asked Usain Bolt not to run the 400m because of the potential damage to the U.S. GDP.

• Usain Bolt has to train on a different track every week due to spike erosion in the lanes.

• Usain Bolt can watch an entire season of 24, with commercials, in 22 hours.

• Usain Bolt can slam a revolving door.

• Usain Bolt is the only person who can text-message a sub-20 200m.

• If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Usain Bolt.

• Usain Bolt tried swimming, but no lane lines exist that can damp the turbulence of his kick.

• Usain Bolt could have won a medal in archery, but all of his arrows were sub-10.

• Usain Bolt’s races aren’t timed. HE decides when the clock should stop.

• There are two types of people in the world: slow people, and Usain Bolt.

• Usain Bolt feeds Schroedinger’s Cat on his back porch. Without opening the box.

• Usain Bolt isn’t on the internet. He can’t find a connection fast enough.

• Usain Bolt’s times in thousandths always round down.

• There are no unbreakable World Records, just times Usain Bolt hasn’t decided to run yet.

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